Mental Illness

What a lot of people do not like to admit is that mental health can be an illness. If we have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, this effects our daily life, our relationships, and our overall performance. I catch myself time and time again pushing myself to the limit and then burning out. I will go to work and try to schedule so many other things and then get overwhelmed when I can’t complete everything and eventually burn out.

I have come to the realization that I need to treat my mental health illness like any other illness. I need to stay home, drink a crap ton of water, eat full meals, and sleep enough. I have noticed that when I get burnt out, I can usually recover after a day of sleeping in and making sure I am taking care of my body completely.

This also brings me to the realization that I am not doing the best job of taking care of my body the way I need to. I tend to skip meals if I can’t think of something to eat or if I am immersed in a project/work. I will keep going until I am told to stop or until I drop.

To combat this, I have identified the issue and have been taking steps to address this. Awareness is the first big step. The second is the will to change. For meals, I always keep a loaf of bread in my work bag so I can make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if I can’t decide on anything else. I take more breaks now than I did before. I started taking vitamins and talking to others openly about my anxiety and depression. All of these things are steps in the right direction, definitely not the fix-all solution.

I still have panic attacks about little things. For instance, this morning I couldn’t locate my badge for work. I could tell I was going to be late and my frantic searching-while sobbing was not getting me anywhere. My bf reminded me that it’s not like anyone stole it – I had it for work last night so it had to be close. After about 5-10 minutes, I located the badge in a separate bag from last night.

I’ve come to realize that mental health is a never-ending process. And my brain tricks me into thinking that every issue is the end-all issue. I am still working on training my brain to process before reacting and to think about things fully before jumping to the worst conclusion. I will continue to learn more about mental health and anxiety so I can do a better job of regulating mine.

Despite the changes I still need to make, I am proud of how far I have come. I am proud of my vulnerability and my ability to take a risk. Learning every day to stop talking down to myself and remind myself of everything I’ve accomplished.

If you want to discuss, feel free to comment or share. I appreciate your time. Can’t wait to continue evolving with you all.